Ice cold milk and a zero-trans fat Oreo cookie ...

The moment that health nuts everywhere have been waiting for will have to wait. Kraft Foods Inc. has declared that the healthier, zero trans fats Oreo will not be on store shelves just yet. First, we have to buy up the existing stocks of Oreos.

The new U.S. Food and Drug Administration regulation, which is supposed to force foodmakers to list the amount of trans fat on food labels, goes into effect Jan. 1 but allows for the delay, according to the Chicago Tribune.

"It's hard to say exactly when a zero trans Oreo will be in all stores," said David Tovar, Kraft's director of corporate affairs. "I can't tell you when Chicago stores will get a zero trans fat Oreo."

In April 2004, Kraft unveiled a new, improved Reduced Fat Oreo, as well as new Golden Oreo Original and Golden Uh-Oh Oreo, all with zero grams of trans fat. But it continues to struggle with producing a new version of its mainstay Oreo cookie.

In future years, the Northfield-based company will unveil more varieties for those of us looking for nutrition and wholesome goodness from "the world's favorite cookie" line: The Vitamin B12 Oreo, the Golden Shower Oreo, the Uh-Oh SpaghettiO Oreo, and the Extra Strength Tylenol Oreo are all in the works.

I, for one, can't wait for all these new Oreos. I'll buy up bags and bags of them and almost immediately see the results: slimmer waistline, cleaner arteries, and whiter teeth. I'll be able to quit my gym membership. My workout will consist of curling cookies towards my mouth and running to the bathroom to vomit.