Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Color me unimpressed: GOP for governor

Let's face it: The Illinois governor's mansion attracts some interesting, shady characters. From corruption scandals to gay-sex allegations, recent governors have given us plenty to talk about, little to think about, and even less to be proud of.

The Daily Herald gives us a nice breakdown of the Republican candidates seeking to unseat Rod Blagojevich. I'll let you read the proper article and decide for yourself, but I am unimpressed with the field. You'd think the party could do better, especially knowing that Blago is not exactly Mr. Popularity right now.

I've decided to rank the candidates in terms of entertainment value. If victorious, which Republican candidate will give us the most to laugh about in the coming years?

NUMBER 1: Judy Baar Topinka

Topinka and running mate DuPage County State's Atty. Joe Birkett will grab most of the headlines because of their name recognition and front-runner status. I put her at the top because she plays the accordian and she has this southwest suburb way of speaking. She's a fast-talker, feisty, and sounds like she's just smoked a carton of Marlboros. Plus, do you know how many (few) states have female governors right now? Six. This fact, I'm sure, will get Topinka some votes.

NUMBER 2: Jim Oberweis

Oberweis, no friend of illegal immigrants, entertained us with commercials of stadiums full of people who want to work at his ice cream parlors when he ran for the U.S. Senate seat last year. He's known for saying weird, random things, raising his entertainment quotient to near-Topinka levels. He might be running with a woman, Kathy Salvi (R-Mundelein), although it's hard to get facts on politicians on local news websites.

NUMBER 3: Ron Gidwitz

I think Giddy, as he's known in some circles, began running anti-Blagojevich ads three years ago. The commercials were positive and upbeat, except that they totally slammed Blago. Still, despite the money he's already spent, no one really knows much about him, except that he's not a career politician, unlike his running mate State Senator Steve Rauschenberger (R-Elgin). (NOTE: I think that's Giddy in the fur hat, but who knows, I stole the picture off some random blog.)

NUMBER 4: Bill Brady

I couldn't find an interesting photo of the guy anywhere. This can only mean one thing: He's hiding something, somewhere.

3 Comments:

Anonymous he said she said...

are you kidding me. I am surprised they even have this many candidates. Republicans are dying in Illinois.

12:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm just giddy over Giddy!
(Any man that wears a fur hat gets my vote. I hope it's him.)

2:03 PM  
Anonymous art attack said...

Oberfat is lickety delicious just like his ice cream.

2:15 PM  

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