Monday, January 09, 2006

You get what you pay for

When he talks, he tends to look off in the distance or glance out the window. Ask a question and he'll answer it, then hopscotch to two or three other topics. Neeleman has attention deficit disorder, an affliction for which he does not take medication for fear it would dull his creative instincts.
--Description of JetBlue Chief Executive David Neeleman, in a Chicago Tribune article about the low-cost airline trying to get gates at O'Hare. For some reason, shockingly, the city has been unable to make space at the airport.

According to the research organization FACT, these are some of JetBlue's innovations, thanks to the CEO's creative instincts:
  • On every JetBlue flight there is a seat-back television with 36 channels of DirecTV programming for every passenger, so that everyone can watch the plane crash-landing live on CNN.
  • Mini Dust Buster at each seat, so that passengers can clean up crumbs from the snacks, which include a hefty chocolate chip cookie, boxes of animal crackers and specialty chips made from blue potatoes.
  • Extra legroom is available at more seats than on most of JetBlue's competitors, perfect for stowing away passengers' crates of live chickens.
  • People working out of their homes handle all calls to the company's reservation center and turkey tip hotline.
  • The 9,600-member workforce is all non-union, mostly picked up that morning at the local Home Depot.

    Future innovations that people will remember as "something remarkable":
  • Pilots with ADD will decide which city to fly to, if they remember.
  • Extra on-board frills, such as seat-back video game flight simulators. High scorer on each flight gets to land the plane.
  • $69 round-trip promotional fares to the tarmac and back to the gate, where plane will be inspected by outsourced day laborers.
  • CTA-style estimated arrivals and departures to boost on-time performance: "Yes, we'll get there today."
  • Two-for-one fares: Buy a ticket, your friend sits on your lap.
  • Flight attendants working out of their homes handle passenger requests via intercom and let them know that, no, there are no extra pillows or coffee.


    Anonymous art attack said...

    I am so pissed that jet blue is not in Chicago. fuck united and american, they overcharge and are often late while jet blue has personal direct tv so you can watch your plane on cnn when the landing gear messes up...and damn it I want that.

    10:34 AM  
    Anonymous jenska said...

    If I had a personal tv in my seat I might be distracted enough to not notice I'm hungry, 2 hours late for my destination and have to pee.

    1:24 AM  

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