Catholics urged to pray to a different saint

News Item: Cardinal Francis George is in pain and has limited movement, but has no sign of further internal bleeding, the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Chicago said this afternoon.

CHICAGO (ap) -- The Archdiocese asked that members of the Church continue praying for the Cardinal, but to direct the prayers to Saint Madron, the patron saint of pain, instead of the various patron saints against cancer. "People who doubt the power of prayer should look no further than the story of St. Thomas, who died when he was stabbed with a spear in India, circa 72," the Church announced. Although he formed many parishes and built many churches after he eventually gave in to God's will, Thomas "is best remembered for doubting the Resurrection until allowed to touch Christ's wounds."

According to hospital sources, Cardinal George said he is definitely feeling the healing effects of all the prayers, but could he please, for the love of God, have a little morphine.