Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Anticipation builds over Blagojevich education plan

News Item: CHICAGO -- Gov. Rod Blagojevich and his aides refused to discuss his upcoming education proposal Monday, helping to drive up interest in the secret but also giving others a chance to set high standards for the plan to meet.

Education advocates called for a major spending increase supported by a long-term funding source. They and others also said the plan, to be released Tuesday, should reduce reliance on local property taxes.

Republicans said the plan will have to be a "silver bullet" for solving education problems if it's going to be seen as anything but a political deal to keep state Sen. James Meeks from making a third-party run for governor.

Whatever the plan, it reportedly won't require a property tax hike to pay for it ...

According to Daley Show sources, the Blagovernor is leaning towards a combination of these proposals:

Lottery: There has been speculation that Blagojevich is looking to privatize the state-run lottery, which currently has a $990 million advertising budget and generates about $90,000 for schools. In fact, he recently won a $300 million Powerball jackpot, and is considering donating the entire sum to the schools. Either that or spend the sum on anti-Topinka campaign commercials. Either way he figures he'll get re-elected.

Dice games in the hallways: Blagojevich is thinking about legalizing gambling in the schools. "I bet they're all betting on something anyway," the Blagovernor said, still irked that his keno plan was shot down in January. Under this proposal, schools would get a cut of all hallway dice, card, and raffle winnings. Students selling illegally downloaded music would also pay a tax on their earnings.

SchoolWise sales by laid off teachers: Using the successful StreetWise model for homeless people, 1,000+ former teachers would get their jobs back following two years of badgering pedestrians in front of every Walgreens and Osco. The newspaper would consist mostly of CPS CEO Arne Duncan's press releases on the openings of more charter schools.

Affy Tapple sales: School clubs have made a mint by having members sell all sorts of sugary goodness during passing periods. The ban on vending machine junk food has opened the door to millions of dollars in revenue. Schools would have the option of selling M&M/Mars products or Krispy Kremes instead of the apples, which some consider too bulky and/or too nutritious.

Corporate naming of schools: "Chicago showed us the light in selling off the naming rights to the Skyway and every single public space and place," Blagojevich said. "It's time to get rid of old-fashioned school names like Roosevelt and Von Steuben--names that students know and care little about--and replace them with names that bring warmth and comfort to our children, like Old Navy and Mountain Dew." Under this plan, school teams would wear jerseys resembling those of the European soccer leagues with any corporate logo that's deemed wholesome.

All city and state schools would potentially undergo a name change. Walter Payton would become Harry Caray's High School and Lane Tech would change to Lane Bryant--Fashionable plus-size apparel, sizes 14-28--College Prep.

Disney Magnet School, however, would keep its name.

1 Comments:

Blogger GrandOverseerPickle said...

I am loving the schoolwize pitch.

Ha, that would be funny!

8:52 PM  

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