Thursday, February 02, 2006

Groundhog Day prediction: Death to all

PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA (ap) -- At dawn today, Punxsutawney Phil emerged from his home on Gobbler's Knob, looked for his shadow, and issued his official prognostication: Six more decades of global warming before a total meltdown of polar ice caps and the flooding of the coasts. This will be followed by years of New Yorkers moving to the Midwest and starving because "no one makes a decent bagel," according to the groundhog.

America watched the Groundhog Day festivities with bated breath, listened to the dire prediction of death and destruction, and shrugged. "Well, gotta go to work," said one American, filling up his Hummer at a local Exxon gas station. "There's really nothing we can do about it anyways. Once Punxsutawney Phil says it, it's as good as done."

5 Comments:

Anonymous Mr. Molitor said...

I'm surprised that certain people who read this site haven't compared Groundhog Day to the so called "Wal-mart phenomenon".

Since when did Punxatauney Phil become the all mighty groundhog. As a kid I remember only hearing about what the Lincoln Park or Brookfield Zoo's groundhog and what their shadows meant. All the reporters would be there and they'd make a big deal out of it. Now the only media coverage shown seems to be some groundhog from PA with some history and popularity from a movie.

So I say Support your Local Groundhogs and boycott Punxatauney Phil. They may be out of jobs soon.

9:45 AM  
Blogger art attack said...

what? that for all Wal Mart employees everyday feels like goundhog day (as in the movie, not the actual day since that doesn't feel like anything)? I also remember that the local zoo ground hogs did receive more attention in by-gone days. Ah, those by-gone days.

12:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Groundhog Day prediction: Pittsburgh Steelers win the Super Bowl over the Seattle Seahawks.

6:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Brookfield Zoo groundhog says, Steelers will go down!

6:45 PM  
Anonymous adp said...

I'm curious if there isn't a better animal then a groundhog to predict global warming. I think other animals are so much more trustworthy - that damn groundhog has let me down too many times. Oh! And I have a great idea for what we could do with the 20 year old high school students of Chicago while creating a barrier to protect us against bagel bemoaning New Yorkers - all we need is a lot of velcro.

9:37 PM  

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