Thursday, February 02, 2006

Wal-Mart won't hire you? Try the fire department!

News Item: On Wednesday, City Hall launched an unprecedented outreach campaign designed to attract a record number of applicants ... [It's a] "better job with a lot more benefits" than Wal-Mart, said John Chwarzynski, president of the Chicago Firefighters Union Local 2.

Which job is right for you?

Benefits to Society
Firefighter: Save lives
Wal-Mart: Save money

Job Hazards
Firefighter: You might die of smoke inhalation
Wal-Mart: You might die of starvation

Starting Salary
Firefighter: $44,838
Wal-Mart: 44,838 pesos

Hours
Firefighter: 24 hours on and 48 hours off
Wal-Mart: Many locations open 24 hours

Job Benefits
Firefighter: Tuition reimbursements, Raise after six months
Wal-Mart: Tuition-free orientation video, Your own name tag after six months

Other Cool Benefits
Firefighter: Get to ride in a truck with flashing lights
Wal-Mart: Get to set up flashing blue light special. No, wait, that's Kmart.

Theme of the marketing campaign to attract applicants
Firefighter: "Answer the Call"
Wal-Mart: "Wear a Blue Smock"

Minimum Requirements
Firefighter: At least 19 years old, Under the age of 35, Have high school diploma or GED
Wal-Mart: Fewer than 19 convictions, Not currently under the influence, Have ability to spell "GED"

Who Should Apply
Firefighter: "If you are that little boy or the little girl [who] waved as the fire engines passed by, the Chicago Fire Department wants you... . I want you to answer the call."
Wal-Mart: "If you are that destitute old man or woman [who] has been waved off by every other employer in the area, Sam Walton wants you ... to make his family even wealthier."

Before the Interview
Firefighter: Pass an entrance exam
Wal-Mart: Walk past the sliding doors

Physical Requirements
Firefighter: Climb a ladder
Wal-Mart: Push a cart

Current Employee Statistics
Firefighter: 67.4 percent white, 20.1 percent black and 10.4 percent Hispanic
Wal-Mart: 67.4 percent turnover in first six months, 10.4 percent last more than a year

1 Comments:

Blogger Elisa said...

This is LOL funny!

3:56 PM  

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