GOP candidates for governor get down and dirty

SPRINGFIELD (ap) -- The Republican candidates for Illinois governor recently spoke out about paddling teenagers and other forms of sexual deviance when responding to a Daley Show questionnaire.

Jim Oberweis, a Sugar Grove dairy mogul, was the only major candidate of either political party to support spankings and indicated he would support it if everyone could agree on the specific methods. The Republican candidates are so close on every other issue that it's hard to even ridicule them without repeating the same things over and over again. Let's see what a deadline produces:

Unspoken words from a recent debate ...

Jim Oberweis, dairy guy
"Yeah, man, we should bring back corporal punishment.
I volunteer myself to administer the first bitch slapping."

Bill Brady, downstate dude
"If elected, I want a secretary with hooters out to here!"

Ron Gidwitz, tax-fighting man
"Ever see me naked? Yup, I'm this big!
You don't believe me? Dare me to drop my pants.
Come on, dare me!"

Judy Baar Topinka, accordion player
"Then I reached out and grabbed the waiter's butt.
No, don't worry, he didn't know it was I."

Ho hum, I know. Your challenge is to come up with better captions. Perhaps their hand gestures have something to do with secret handshakes?

(Images of candidates found at the Daily Herald, the only paper that seems to be covering the race.)