Monday, January 23, 2006

Can keno really help my child become an NFL coach?

Not too good with money, don't know how to balance my checkbook (have never actually tried), but somehow these stories all seem connected:

$: The governor's idea to bring in $80 million a year by legalizing keno in Illinois is "still alive," although Blagojevich is open to any "better ideas" that opponents have for funding school construction. I don't really know what this keno thing is, but a google image search unveiled this picture:
$$: Whether or not this funny-looking dog comes to Illinois, two firms with connections to the governor will most likely hit the jackpot.
$$$: Faced with a huge spike in pension costs, Chicago Public School officials are weighing a host of drastic measures -- including cutting more than 1,000 teaching jobs and raising high school class size -- to balance their coming budget. One way to help balance the budget? Keno perhaps? Or they could go bankrupt like United and scrap the pension plans.
$$$$: If students maintain a B average, they can claim $1,000 for two years of college. How does the governor plan to pay for this proposal? No details, but would keno help?
$$$$$: If students choose to go to Eastern Illinois University in Charleston, they have a good chance of becoming an NFL coach. It seems that EIU, a Division 1-AA school, has produced three current NFL head coaches: Denver's Mike Shanahan, New Orleans' Sean Payton and Minnesota's Brad Childress. This is more than any other university in the country. Can't afford EIU? Perhaps a $1,000 tax credit would help?

Image of Keno borrowed from Funny Dog.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Keno looks like a gangbanger. That won't play in suburbia

Why are we cutting teachers job for the sake of retired teachers? Can't they take a hit? They've been telling us "think about the children!" all these years.

I guess they meant "Think about the children, unless it affects the teachers, in which case think about the teachers"

6:54 AM  
Blogger art attack said...

I think a better idea would be to line the halls of every school with pachinko machines. Not only would it make money (granted I have no idea how to play or how those little bb's get exchanged for cash) but the noise those things make would drive all the students into the classrooms, thus shortening the time between classes, shortening the whole school day and thus, reducing the paychecks, and pension outlay, of the teachers

7:58 AM  
Blogger Tony said...

Andy -
Enjoying the blog. The folks here at the Record hope you remember your humble beginnings.
And go EIU Panthers.

12:53 PM  
Blogger ap said...

Of course I remember the Record! One never forgets the first time somebody actually pays you to do something you love. How is everything in the old Plano-Mayo-Sandwich region? When can I visit?
P.S. Boo Panthers! Go Huskies!

7:03 AM  
Blogger Tony said...

You're welcome anytime. Stop by Wednesdays, and relive days gone by with the experience of stuffing inserts!
Everything here is great. Nothing like writing columns expressing your liberal leanings in the heart of Hastert country, just to give the old-timers at the coffee shop a grabber.
Seriously, stop by anytime.

p.s. i want that dog as a write-in for governor

9:39 AM  

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