Some of the things I'd like to ban

The City Council has to spend time changing the law books today just because people lack common decency. The city is creating a new fine for the misuse of placards meant for people with disabilities. It will be unlawful "to display a stolen, expired or otherwise invalid" parking decal or device earmarked for drivers with disabilities.

How many times have you seen some perfectly healthy bozo park in a handicapped spot? He's got a little wheelchair-sign hanging from the rearview mirror, so you can't really say anything, but you want to, right? I actually went through a phase when I would make it a point to say something to the idiot as he or she was walking away from the car. "Sir, I can't help but notice that you don't exactly look handicapped." Or "Ma'am, I'm not sure if you noticed, but that parking spot is actually for people with disabilities." I learned to shut my mouth after I was threatened to be beaten with a set of crutches. Now, whenever I see someone park illegally and dash into the store, I resort to spitting on the car's windshield. Well, what can I say, at least spitting isn't illegal. Or is it?

Anyway, the city is cracking down, which is a good thing. The suburbs are cracking down, too. A couple of weekends ago, police spent some time ticketing people parking in handicapped spots at two suburban malls. Personally, I'm glad because, as you may have guessed, this is one of my pet peeves. It shows how completely lazy some people are. Hunting for a parking spot at the mall around the holidays can actually be fun. It's like a game, a challenge, the only kind of wildlife hunt we city folk get to engage in. But mostly it's just utterly disrespectful to the elderly and handicapped.

I have many more pet peeves that I wish the city would get around to addressing. Since aldermen can't agree on what kind of smoking ban we should have in the city, perhaps they could consider banning (or at least severely punishing) people caught doing any of these activities:

* Taking an elevator to the second floor of any building. Same with standing on escalators. As punishment, lazy people like this should be forced to use their legs. I know, we can steal their remote controls.

* Parking in the middle of a fairly large spot, thereby preventing anyone else from fitting in. This should lead to an automatic, on-the-spot keying of the offender's car, especially if the offense takes place in Wrigleyville.

* Logging onto a semi-interesting blog and not posting a comment and not passing on a link to said blog to one's family and friends. These kinds of people will forever be considered not true friends.

* Placing your bags on the seat next to you on a fairly crowded bus or train and then turning up your iPod and shutting your eyes in order to not realize that others might want to sit down. (There's a pretty cool rule in some European cities: If your bag is going to take up extra space, you have to pay a half-fare for it. I say charge 'em a full-fare--that's two extra dollars per ride, no transfers, in the coming year on the CTA.)

* Honking at a cyclist riding legally or a pedestrian crossing the street, especially in inclement weather. Or aggressively pulling up to an intersection to scare people from even thinking of crossing when there are cars around. Or turning in front of people crossing the street. These drivers should have their car privileges taken away for at least a week (in February), just to see what it's like.

There are more, many many more, things that I think should be banned. But I have to abide by one of the rules of blogging, K.I.S.S. (keep it short stupid), because I realize the penalty for writing long posts is having people completely ignore them.

If you have any pet peeves that you'd like to add to this incomplete list, please do so. Don't make me think of some sort of punishment for you if you don't.