Friday, December 02, 2005

Chicago tells the world: Stop making so much noise!

A little bakery/coffeeshop down the road has been in the news lately because the owner took a stand against noisy children. Since a story about him appeared in the New York Times, the coffeeshop owner has received dozens of letters from all over the world supporting his little signs that tell kids to pipe down.

Meanwhile, Evanston, the suburb north of us, has banned leaf blowers, saying they're too loud.

We might not be the hippest part of the country, but Chicago is once again leading a national campaign, this time looking for a little peace and quiet. We have proven once and for all that we're the Old Man of the country, where we go to sleep early, so could the rest of you please, for the love of God, turn down that stereo? We're warning you, don't make us call the cops!

Sorry. Didn't mean to shout.

The Campaign for Quiet began at the cute little Andersonville corner shop, where the owner hung up signs for kids to read: "Children of all ages have to behave and use their indoor voices when coming to A Taste of Heaven."

Civic leaders are now looking for innovative ways to eliminate the ever-growing problem of noise pollution. What little signs can we design to remind the noise offenders of the world to turn it down a notch? Here are some suggestions:

* The next time a guy parks his car and honks relentlessly while waiting for someone to come out of a house, hand deliver him a note that reads: "Get your fat, lazy ass out of your car, walk to the building, and ring the doorbell, you knucklehead."

* The next time a dog barks at you more than once as you're walking down the street, stuff a bone in its mouth with a note that reads: "Please express your displeasure with a simple growl. I'll get the point and won't try to pet you."

* The next time a car alarm goes off for more than 10 seconds, throw a rock through the windshield with a note attached that reads: "Please find another place to park. Apparently this neighborhood is so scary and dangerous that you feel the need to have an alarm, which nobody pays attention to but, at the same time, is bothered by."


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Funny. Yeah, those car alarms that work on nearby vibrations and tell us in that deafening tone to "stand back" is incredibly annoying, particularly when those cars are parked on major 4 lane streets, where a mere bus rumbling by can trigger an alarm. --Hai

2:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is that why you used to have the club on that vw of yours? Keeping it mellow?

4:17 PM  
Anonymous FresH20 said...

That's why, when I moved to Chicago, I brought a truck that was so bad a thief couldn't figure out how to drive it away. No alarm needed. I'd just get to take a quiet walk a few yards down the street, to the sidewalk where they left it.

5:47 PM  

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