Illinois touts its 'Grow Your Own Teacher' program

The Washington, D.C.-based Education Trust, a national education group, said Thursday that Illinois' plans to help the neediest students are among the worst in the country. Illinois education officials countered that the state is targeting low-income schools with a "Grow Your Own Teacher" program.

Just what is this program? Let's take a look:

Grow your own teacher! Mr. Right Answer grows 600% his size in water! Reasons why your community should grow your own teacher:

• FREE lesson plan with purchase.
• He's polite to the administration and Local School Council.
• Always there for extracurricular activities.
• He never snores in class!
• Never argues, always agrees with parents.
• He doesn't mind the noisy kids.
• Never asks for a raise.
• He doesn't require a parking space.
  

Place your teacher in room temperature water and he will begin to grow within 2 hours and will be full size in 72 hours. When an assistant principal wants to show him who's boss, just remove him from the water and he will slowly shrink back to his original size. Your teacher can be grown again and again!