Monday, May 01, 2006

Scalping rumors and other myths

Daley Show Special Report: Day Without Michigan, part 12

Thousands of illegal Michigan migrants are expected to march through the streets of Chicago today, looking for more bars to call "The Big House." Hoping to dampen participation, Illinois alumni are spreading rumors about the event.

MYTH: Chief Illiniwek is using the rally as an opportunity to round up and scalp Michiganders.

FACT: A University of Illinois spokesman said, "We wish!" Rumors that the Chicago Police Department will round up undocumented Big Ten fans at today's march are also false, according to Ald. Danny Solis (25th). "Not only is it false, it is also illegal in the city of Chicago for city employees to forcibly remove someone's scalp, usually with the hair, as a trophy of war," Solis said.

MYTH: Illegal Michigan immigrants are eligible for unannounced daily specials at Lincoln Park bars.

FACT: Michigan immigrants can party at any Lincoln Park drinking establishment and take advantage of the daily special. But "they are not eligible for any special that is not listed on the chalkboard in front of that establishment," said Professor Hoe Kee Pokey of DePaul University College of Hard Knocks, "unless, of course, they know the bartender."

MYTH: The Michigan invasion of Wrigley Field bleachers is more of a hot-button issue now than it has ever been in Chicago history.

FACT: Strong reaction to changes in the bleacher seating and pricing is nothing new to Cubs fans, who have nothing better to do since they haven't had a reason to cheer in almost 100 years. "We are not only opposed to Michigan immigrants," the Illiniman Project website declare. "We are opposed to all former frat boys and the girls who love them. Go back to whichever Greek Row you came from!"


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