City underestimates size and cost of Michigan migration

The international research nonprofit think tank FACT (Fabrications Andy Created Today) has published a new report, "The Underage Drinking Force is Rising to the Surface," which claims that the illegal alien population is double the official government estimates.

According to FACT analysts:

• The population of Michigan transplants to Chicago is about three hundred thousand -- roughly the population of Rockford and Naperville combined.
• The report asserts that there are between 120 and 150 bars in Chicago devoted to an out-of-state Big Ten school.
• These are not bars that Chicagoans won't go to, but rather bars Chicagoans used to go to.
  
• Chicagoans may be paying millions more in property taxes because of the influx of white, middle class aliens who buy condos in desirable areas near the Brown Line for exorbitant prices.
• "Chicago men are simply hooked on cheap, out-of-state trixies and are deferring the best bleacher seats to these quasi-Cubs fans," the report concludes.