Wednesday, February 15, 2006

City workers wonder: What are my odds of being indicted?

As former Governor George Ryan and Chicago City Clerk James Laski recently learned, nobody is safe when it comes to federal corruption indictments. All city and state employees are now under scrutiny, and many wonder if there is a risk they might be indicted next in City Hall's Hired Truck scandal or the Licenses-for-Bribes probe. FACT researchers came up with this test to calculate the risk for anyone working for the state or city government. They say it can give cronies a rough idea of their survival chances.

Number of years at present job:
0-1 years: 1 point; 2-4 years: 2 points; 5-8 years: 3 points; 9-12 years: 4 points; More than 12 years: 7 points.

Gender: Male 2 points.

Percent-of-income-derived-from-bribes index: Less than 25 (normal weight or less) 1 point. (Calculate by multiplying thickness of wallet in inches times height in inches; then divide weight in pounds by that total; then multiply the total by 703.)

Have you ever called Mayor Daley a cancer? Yes: 2 points.

Chronic greed that limits activities unless thoroughly compensated: 2 points.

Prolific fund-raiser: 2 points.

Mob connection: -2 points.

Pushing for the cigarette smoking ban: 2 points.

Checking off the "minority-owned" box on application: 2 points.

Difficulty bathing/showering/washing off all the corruption in your office: 2 points.

Difficulty managing money, paying bills, keeping track of cash gifts because of an accounting or memory problem: 2 points.

Difficulty walking several blocks under the glare of TV lights: 2 points.

Difficulty pushing or pulling large objects like a tractor trailer because you don't actually know how to operate one: 1 point.

0 to 5 points -- less than a 4 percent risk of being indicted
6 to 9 points -- 95 percent risk
10 to 13 points -- 97 percent risk
14 or more points -- 99 percent risk


Blogger Cal Skinner said...

Pretty amusing for such an early morning post. Of course, there was a really full moon.

1:33 PM  
Blogger ap said...

Thanks ... I head out to work at 7, so all blogging has to be done in the wee hours of the a.m. I read this stuff later and usually wish I had had more coffee before writing.

3:18 PM  

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