Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Oh, my Gawd! It's gonna snow!!!!

As seen on the news last night and this morning ...

(Updates follow.)

6:30 a.m.
Yes, it's true, many of us were born and raised here, we've somehow made it through every winter so far, but really, truly, and honestly, we've never seen anything like this before. There are clouds fast approaching our area, and they contain snow, lots and lots of it, and probably, possibly, most likely, unfortunately, unhappily, shockingly, some of that snow will fall on us in the next 24 hours. Now, we don't mean to alarm you, we don't want to hurt you, we don't want to make you cry, but that snow might even accumulate on the streets and sidewalks of our city, our brave, brave city, possibly as much as two inches, maybe more.

Those of you concerned about this most unfortunate forecast need not fret too much. We'll fret for you. And we'll keep you updated every five minutes if need be. We'll cut into programming all day long to make sure you are aware of the latest breaking news regarding this snowstorm. So, please, in this time of crisis, in this year of tsunami's and hurricanes, please don't forget to turn here for the latest. We've got every single correspondent and every single camera crew out there covering this event. Our team will bring you live pictures of ...

* Snow plows stuck in rush-hour traffic dropping tons of salt onto our streets.

* Every single landing at Midway Airport, just in case another airplane has a traffic accident.

* High school students walking to the L, being violent and unruly by throwing snowballs.

* Some city official at a warming center appearing to care about the homeless.

* A feature on the season's best shovels, in case you want to buy something to ease the pain.

* Poor people's cars being towed off the city's 107 miles of snow routes.

* Traffic reports every few minutes so that you can see travel times skyrocketing.

If you see a storm-related news event happening, please call or email the station, and one of our brave correspondents will rush to the scene to bring everyone the latest. Yes, Chicago, somehow we'll pull through, but only if you stay tuned.

15 Comments:

Blogger A.G. said...

I'm fretting right now... thinking about the snow. What will I do if it's actually happening?!

7:26 AM  
Anonymous art attack said...

it is a bit after 7 and it is snowing out here in the burbs. I'll probably have to wear a hat so the snow doesn't accumilate on my balding head. I think we may have a cm on the ground so I better leave 10 minutes early so I can plow through his stuff. I expect to be an hour and a half late to work as there is no way the Metra trains will be able to ride in this snow pack on a regular schedule. Thank you for your update

7:27 AM  
Anonymous The mom said...

You know, it's really a shame the way every network is afraid that the other network will catch a story, even a bad weather story, before the other networks. When that plane rolled off of Midway, channel 5 had NOTHING to say, but they were there first, without pic's, saying, "Uhh, let's see if we can find somebody who can say something about what happened."
They didn't even HAVE a person selected yet!!

8:29 AM  
Anonymous MR. MOLITOR said...

I have a theory. I believe that the people who decide to "mark" their parking spots on the street until march are the same people who don't shovel their sidewalks and instead just throw a ton of salt instead. I hate that. Also any scientists out there. I'm curious as to how much salt is needed to melt an inch of snow. It can't be much. There is a big salt scam out there!!!!! Also I'm curious about the city's salt contract. I believe that they are forced to buy a certain amount of salt every year no matter what the need is. So they either use it or store it. that's why they overkill to get rid of it.

9:15 AM  
Anonymous art attack said...

usually the overuse happens with the late March or April snow showers since they will still have it stock piled and it will be wasted if not used. At this early point of the season they are not overusing it just to dump unwanted salt since they do not know what kinda winter we will have. But it all comes down to the Billandic (sp?) effect. Ever since the blizzard of 79, no mayor is will to get caught with snow on the streets and that is why the current salt to snow ratio is 1:1. Better hope your Jeep got the extra undercoating protection when you bought it or else you'll have a nice view of the salt on the road through your floor boards.

10:32 AM  
Anonymous jenksa said...

Considering Mr. Molitor has a garage and we don't...I think we'll get the better view of the roads in a couple of seasons!

BTW, anyone aware of any detriment to the environment as a result of too much salt usage? Just wondering...

5:13 PM  
Anonymous adp said...

The science fair at Senn is tomorrow and I know that at least one student is exploring the effect of road salt on plants - come and ask them! In general, it's pretty bad for the environment - it can change soil chemistry and often only particularly hardy plants will survive in heavily salted areas - ESPECIALLY if they get salted in late winter/early spring. High amounts of salts in soil will reduce the amount of water that plants can absorb, changes the amount/types of nutrients that plants absorb, and can change the soil's physical qualities (is it lose? hard packed? etc.) which also messes with how the plants get nutrients and water. Yeah, I'm a nerd.

7:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's total bullshit. Salt has absolutely no proven impact on the environment or plants for that matter. I should know, I'm the lead sales representative for the primary salt vendor to the City of Chicago not some jerkoff high school kid with a bone to pick with his daddy's employer.

Hal Sodiem
Executive Editor
The Salt Advocate

11:00 AM  
Anonymous The mom said...

Wow, your readship is expanding. This salt issue is affecting more than plants I see. Speaking of the science fair, did you see how the marigolds and chrysanthenums faired from car exhaust fumes? I wonder if that would have changed if salt was mixed into it...

1:49 PM  
Anonymous kevin said...

One area in which road salt has been proven to have a harmful environmental effect is at the Morton Arboretum. There has been a signifigant decline in vegetation there in the areas near I-88 resulting from the use of deicing salt. Ironically, the Arboretum was founded by Joy Morton, who's salt company to this day supplies road salt through lucrative contracts with Chicago and surrounding areas.

3:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am curious if there are any other spices that melt snow. What about Paprika or Oregano? I propose we do an experiment with my spice rack.....Actually that will be my entry into next year's Senn Science Fair and kick all the high schoolers asses!!

5:09 PM  
Anonymous adp said...

Heh.. "Hail sodium?" Clever, but until I got to the end I thought it was a bit vicious. I really didn't mean to offend anyone, I just actually knew a teensy bit about this becuase of all the plant classes I took in college. To summarize: I like driving on salted roads.

11:18 PM  
Blogger ap said...

hey adp, don't get offended by snarky responses from science fair dropouts ... we're all friends here.
as for the spice rack comment, I love the idea. not only can we keep the roads clear of snow and ice, we can make them delicious and safe for those of us with high blood pressure.

1:34 AM  
Anonymous adp said...

I wasn't offended - until I realized it was a joke I just felt really horrible that someone seemed upset over something I said... I think that we really should explore using more then just spices. Other condiments like bbq sauce and relish are sorely underutilized.

7:23 PM  
Anonymous jenska said...

What about Margarita Mix? We already have the salt...

9:49 PM  

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