Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Chicago-themed gifts to avoid

With 11 shopping days before Christmas, you may feel as stuck as a Buick in snow when it comes to choosing a gift for the Chicagophile on your list. You might be wondering, What can I buy for that special someone who seems to already own all things Chicago, including the CTA transit map sock? (Click on the image and try to find your stop!)

In your haste you might make a mistake, so today I'll highlight some good gift ideas that, in retrospect, are quite worthless. Like the left-handed T-squares or elevator passes sold to unsuspecting Lane Tech freshmen by unscrupulous upperclassmen, these gift items, sold exclusively on this web site with free shipping, don't really exist, so you might want to think twice before sending your credit card information to me.

* Mapquest's Road Map of Chicago's East Side $9.95

* The History of Great Republican Mayors of Chicago, published by University of Chicago Press $24.95

* Rough Guide to Chicago's Great Winter Festivals $13.95

* Montgomery Ward gift cards, in 10, 25, 50, and 100 dollar denominations

* Geraldo Rivera's "Treasures from Al Capone's Vault" gift pack $149.95

* CTA bus timetable Cost: One old CTA token per route

*REI's Chicago Mountain Biking Guide with topographical map $8.95

*Tobacco Enthusiast's Guide to Chicago's Pipe- and Cigar-Friendly Restaurants, 2006 edition Cost: $6 or whatever the current price of a pack of cigarettes is, whichever is greater

*Buy one get one month of free rent at a Cabrini Green highrise apartment, the "homes of the future" $100

*Heinz extra-fancy Chicago-Style Hot Dog Ketchup $3.95

*Chicago Cubs, World Champions merchandise from the 1910, 1918, 1929, 1932, 1935, 1938, 1945, 1984, 1989, 1998, and 2003 almost-made-it squads of lovable losers Ranging from $1.95 to $199.95, these souvenirs are sure to serve as reminders of all the teams that didn't quite make it.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

put me down for the east side road map. This is where it's at. Sure the character is being destroyed but what do you expect when all the yuppies move in because of the beautiful views of the post industrial landscape of Gary, just to the south.

8:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I still have some $25 Montgomery Ward gift certificates that I'd be interested in exchanging for a left-handed T-square and elevator passes for LT. They have become collectors items and I hope to fetch greater value for them on EBay.

-an anonymous ex-LT high schooler and pinball enthusisast

12:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Please tell me those socks are available! Not only are they cozy-looking, but they would sure come in handy when on an El line that is missing it's route maps and/or is so crowded that you can't see what stops are coming up.

5:03 PM  
Blogger ap said...

They ARE available, along with shower curtains, ties, hats, scarves, and more! There still might be time to get them before X-mas.

12:26 AM  

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