With U.S. in its free agency year, Dems offer a Contract

Remember the grand Republican Contract with America? It set the course for the 104th Congress and quickly restored the faith and trust of the American people in their government. Now the copycat Democrats are releasing their own Plan, a little book by Rep. Rahm Emanuel and political hack Bruce Reed that basically plagiarizes all the GOP ideas that have worked so well over the past decade.

The Daley Show is pleased to compare the two contracts, so that Americans can choose which team to sign with for the next two years.

Proposal 1: A new social contract -- universal citizen service, universal college access, universal retirement savings, and universal children's health care -- that makes clear what you can do for your country and what your country can do for you.

GOP response: You want to know what you can do for your country? Universal service sounds like a good place to start. Call your Army recruiter today. Clear enough for you?

Proposal 2: A return to fiscal responsibility and an end to corporate welfare as we know it.

GOP response: Now you're sounding like us! Fiscal responsibility means cutting those wasteful welfare programs. Congress needs to live under the same budget constraints as families and businesses, which means no more free lunch for every "poor" person walking in the door.

Proposal 3: Tax reform to help those who aren't wealthy build wealth.

GOP response: You want to get rich quick? We've got a $50 million bounty on Osama bin Laden's head. Join the military and go find yourself some terrorist scumbag.

Proposal 4: A new strategy to use all America's strengths to win the war on terror.

GOP response: Already doing that. America's strengths are called the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines. Oh, and government subcontractors.

Proposal 5: A Hybrid Economy that cuts America's gasoline consumption in half over the next decade.

GOP response: We've been talking about cutting America's dependence on foreign oil for years now, and still you don't want to drill in Alaska. What is the matter with you people?