tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-193167552011-10-29T07:06:13.825-05:00Second-rate satire, sarcasm, and stupidity about Second City news, weather, and traffic from a guy who repeats the same joke over and over again until someone laughs.APnoreply@blogger.comBlogger3791100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-12594204619845564122007-05-24T19:33:00.001-05:002007-05-24T19:47:05.355-05:00

Weary from extreme drought and a record wildfire still burning after five weeks, the Chicago Fire Department on Thursday banned fireworks for the next 60 days--a period including the Memorial Day and Fourth of July holidays."Fireworks by design are somewhat volatile and sometimes unpredictable," a spokesman said. "They have a proven track record of causing fires, and that's in conditions less dry

APnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-621240564313313052007-05-21T22:32:00.001-05:002007-05-21T22:56:49.980-05:00

five more termsfive more corruption scandalsfive more miles of unenforced bicycle lanesfive more minutes to explain myselffive more dollars for Christmas this yearfive chocolate-covered cicadas, please

APnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-64524475750604411092007-05-20T22:16:00.000-05:002007-05-21T22:29:14.951-05:00

Tucked away in the southeast corner of Warren Park, between the golf course and the neighborhood, is an ideal cricket pitch. (I think it's called a pitch. I was told that the spot is ideal.) A long, straight sidewalk allows the "bowler" to run and bounce the ball towards the wickets. The batter then can swing and send the ball in any given direction.I know very little about cricket. I did try

APnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1825817650068791352007-05-17T22:11:00.000-05:002007-05-17T22:13:51.849-05:00

From the Tribune: Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama mocked President Bush during an appearance on ABC News' "This Week with George Stephanopoulos":"It's not just talking tough, because the truth is nobody's talked tougher than George Bush over the last six years. Being tough means, first of all, not having to talk about it all the time," Obama said.Of course Bush wasn't in the room

APnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-27454015153181612142007-05-16T16:36:00.001-05:002007-05-16T16:36:29.326-05:00

News Item: Chicago’s 2016 Olympics logo must be trashed in favor of a new one. Whatever billboards, T-shirts and stationery that are still left over bearing that symbol will be deep-sixed as well. Chicagoans are in a tizzy about the International Olympic Committee's demand to redesign our logo, and prominent area residents have even started a Save-the-Logo campaign. So far, three celebrities have

APnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-72892303585126159502007-05-16T06:22:00.000-05:002007-05-16T16:02:13.371-05:00

News Item: Miami has rudest drivers, Portland has fewest cases of road rage, Chicago ranks number 7 in annual list.Two places I would consider moving to without ever having visited--Miami and Portland--are at opposite spectrums when it comes to anger on the roads. Neither city has a nasty winter, yet they are opposites. Miami I'd move to for the heat, the sun, the beaches, the bikinis, the

APnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-16767621251101092822007-05-15T06:15:00.000-05:002007-05-15T13:13:22.081-05:00

CHICAGO (ap) -- The Chicago Public Schools spent $50 million in federal money on after-school target practice for 56,000 gang members last year but police reports show it got limited bang for its buck. Just days after five students were hit by a spray of bullets when one gang member opened fire at another on a CTA bus, CPS officials publicly wondered whether the target practice is worth the money

APnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-23069688990027562172007-05-14T06:25:00.000-05:002007-05-14T09:18:31.518-05:00

A Bears spokesman says, 'Here's the situation you're in Tank; you can go either way, and it's up to you.' "His mom expects him to "resume his life without much interruption."And so it's off to the gun show!Tank you very much!

APnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-18887916255844509112007-05-13T06:50:00.000-05:002007-05-13T17:28:41.487-05:00

I've got boobies on my mind!A soon-to-be Momma Masked Booby, Ecuador, Summer 2004

APnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-41252455355492320622007-05-12T14:54:00.000-05:002007-05-15T06:13:06.482-05:00

Besides being an avid runner, Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich is quite the Chicago sports enthusiast. In recent weeks, he's been seen cheering and even participating at various contests.Here, he helps Luol Deng track down a loose ball in a game against Detroit. The governor was whistled for a moving pick violation.When Mark Buehrle tossed a no-hitter against Texas, Blagojevich was on the field to

APnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-64425536134372712312007-05-11T17:17:00.000-05:002007-05-11T17:23:54.373-05:00

Whoa, Fast Eddy (bam-ba-lam)Whoa, Fast Eddy (bam-ba-lam)Fast Eddy had some clout (bam-ba-lam)The damn thing got out (bam-ba-lam)He said, "I'm worryin' outta mind" (bam-ba-lam)"This ain't the Vrdolyak 29" (bam-ba-lam)I said oh, Fast Eddy (bam-ba-lam)Whoa, Fast Eddy (bam-ba-lam)Oh, Fast Eddy (bam-ba-lam)Whoa, Fast Eddy (bam-ba-lam)With Levine and him (bam-ba-lam)You know the fix was in (bam-ba-lam)

APnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-3112580949389133702007-05-10T20:01:00.000-05:002007-05-10T22:42:39.777-05:00

The Daley Show is ready for yet another takeoff.

APnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-83819848811870927312007-05-10T19:59:00.000-05:002007-05-13T18:01:21.150-05:00

Several months ago, I said goodbye to this blog thing.You might have wondered what I've been up to. Well, maybe not, but I'll tell you anyway. It wasn't always easy, life away from the blogosphere. Here's a recap:First, I went down to Key West, where I thought I might live like the jugglers.But the man with the cats scared me off.I returned to Chicago and realized my co-workers are getting older.

APnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1166291262195560482006-12-16T11:44:00.000-06:002006-12-16T11:48:31.790-06:00

Forget E.Coli ... this student tried to spread some love in his school cafeteria: From the Sun-Times: Semen in salad dressing.

APnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1166157333908619762006-12-14T22:38:00.000-06:002006-12-14T22:40:50.716-06:00

First it was spinach.Now, lettuce is suspected in the recent Taco Bell E. coli poisonings. It's time to assign blame.I, for one, know who is responsible ... the man who encouraged us to eat spinach in the first place ...Popeye the Sailor ManT-shirts available for $11.99.

APnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1166153252267611662006-12-14T21:34:00.000-06:002006-12-14T21:31:25.266-06:00

Ten Barack bucks says he's running ...

APnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1166010057236551562006-12-13T06:37:00.000-06:002006-12-13T05:40:57.296-06:00

12–4 am Global Overnight Shipping Blocks of news from trusted global sources, brought to you by our sponsor, UPS. The fastest overnight service with voices and stories from around the world ... and back again. What can Brown do for you? 4 am SBC’s The World TodayInternational news, analysis and information in English and 32 other languages from the

APnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1165984038903542482006-12-12T22:25:00.000-06:002006-12-12T22:27:18.933-06:00

On a condom machine in the Hamilton's bathroom:"For refund, insert baby"

APnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1165874945863564382006-12-11T16:06:00.000-06:002006-12-11T16:10:12.406-06:00

More jobs and promotions to give all these friends and family members." (Chicago Tribune photo by José Moré)

APnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1165874651673528322006-12-11T16:00:00.000-06:002006-12-11T16:04:11.763-06:00

Biggest burp wins.(Chicago Tribune photo by Pete Souza)

APnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1165807291988917102006-12-10T21:22:00.000-06:002006-12-10T21:21:32.056-06:00

Driving to Jewel half an hour ago, I saw a couple of kids throwing snowballs at passing cars. One came my way but missed. For a fleeting moment, I wondered what the kids would do if I jumped out of my car and chased them. Better yet, what if I did a U-turn and came charging at them? The moment passed, and I went on my merry way.Heading home a little later, at the intersection where I had seen the

APnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1165705401544494032006-12-09T16:58:00.000-06:002006-12-09T17:04:00.793-06:00

There are more than 500 murders in Chicago every year. Does each one get this kind of police response and press coverage? Not!Then again, I guess when poor people shoot each other in their poor neighborhoods, they don't inconvenience rush hour commuters.(NBC5.com video)

APnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1165579696755366692006-12-08T06:06:00.000-06:002006-12-08T06:08:16.756-06:00

if I don't get $35 from each city staffer.No checks, please."(AP photo)

APnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1165581389496668332006-12-08T06:05:00.000-06:002006-12-08T06:36:31.836-06:00

News Item: A pregnant 42-year-old Mexican woman en route to Chicago on a Mexicana Airlines flight from Guadalajara gave birth to a healthy baby girl with the help of a fellow passenger. ... Whether the baby girl is the United States' newest citizen remains to be seen.This is just another example of people taking the concept of the Mile High Club a bit too far.

APnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1165563297386294302006-12-08T06:04:00.000-06:002006-12-08T06:00:44.203-06:00

That way, we'll never get busted leaving behind any evidence."Chief of staff Lance Tyson (center) lays down a new strategy on Wednesday as the Cook County Board of Commissioners met for the first time under new president Todd Stroger (left).(Chicago Tribune photo by Chuck Berman)

APnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1165494301744621052006-12-07T06:11:00.000-06:002006-12-07T06:41:42.756-06:00

News Item: A lengthier citizenship test with more thorough questions, along with electronic filing requirements and increased fees, are in the works for 2008, pending the results of a pilot program in 10 cities that will analyze new test questions and procedures.The Daley Show is pleased to provide the questions and all acceptable answers.AMERICAN GOVERNMENT: PART A: Principles of American

APnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1165495556159906342006-12-07T06:10:00.000-06:002006-12-07T06:52:08.293-06:00

Last week I ran this graphic "depicting" the gentrification of Chicago:Click to enlarge.Just this morning I realized there was a very serious response to it by George Schmidt. Here it is ...Whitening requires de-blackening. During the 1960s, people used to say, "Urban renewal is Negro removal" (back when "Negro" was still used). Nowadays, the removal of poor and working class black people is "

APnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1165378747105815862006-12-06T00:08:00.000-06:002006-12-05T23:06:34.190-06:00

News Item: An argument between two Northern Illinois University professors turned violent when one allegedly hit the other in the head with a metal bar. "The two professors were having a discussion and apparently one of them didn't like what the other said," according to Lt. Matt Kiederlen of the school's police department. What could the two professors have been fighting about? Some

APnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1165445984267336692006-12-05T17:05:00.000-06:002006-12-08T06:39:32.663-06:00

Now, where's the bathroom so I can unload some more poop?"(Chicago Tribune photo by José Moré)

APnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1165292516242767862006-12-04T22:25:00.000-06:002006-12-04T22:23:12.246-06:00

... Christmas elf at the mall.Click to watch the fool dance.(Thanks to Debi, a very evil friend.)

APnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1165232656116138552006-12-04T06:19:00.000-06:002006-12-04T06:25:41.226-06:00

News Item: Chicago public school teachers received an early Christmas present in their paychecks Friday -- a surprise $50 gift card to spend on their classrooms.And what will they spend this windfall on? Let's ask the 2006 CPS "Golden Apple" winners:Back row, left to right:Mr. Swanson, math: Number 2 pencils to replace all the old ones currently stuck in classroom ceilingMs. Newbee, English: One

APnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1165067170750737452006-12-02T08:09:00.000-06:002006-12-02T08:37:21.986-06:00

The Illinois Department of Transportation and the independent research organization FACT offer these tips for driving safely in winter: Check your vehicle's wipers, tires, lights and fluid levels. If your vehicle does not have any of these items, make sure you sound your horn continuously while driving so others will get out of your way. Equip your car with a "winter storm Survivor kit,"

APnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1164974536696507262006-12-01T06:05:00.000-06:002006-12-01T06:02:17.003-06:00

“People working 40 hours a week, 52 weeks a year, earning minimum wage bring home just $13,000. That’s just not enough.” --Gov. Rod Blagojevich, explaining why he'll raise the Illinois minimum wage from $6.50 to $7.50.Which means they will now make $15,600 a year.If Wal-Mart decides to give its CEO a dollar an hour raise, he'll make $17,544,800 next year.I suppose the dollar raise is enough.

APnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1164898835621267622006-11-30T07:56:00.000-06:002006-11-30T21:01:13.443-06:00

Former Gov. George Ryan definitively declares that God exists."And God damn, God is good to me!"

APnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1164887054242000972006-11-30T06:18:00.000-06:002006-11-30T06:30:55.126-06:00

News Item: The gangsta rapper Ludacris was in town to promote AIDS awareness with local college students and U.S. Sen. Barack Obama.Then, the two entertainment heavyweights joined forces to remix a Ludacris hit song."What's Your Fantasy" ("White House Fantasy" remix)(feat. Obama)[Ludacris]Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeahGive it to me now, give it to me nowGive it to me now, give it to me now[Obama]Yeah,

APnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1164856823227845062006-11-29T21:17:00.000-06:002006-11-29T21:21:21.556-06:00

I'm trying to burn out in less than a week.Read it while it's hot: Chicago Teacher Man, an attempt at inspiration, ala Frank McCourt. ForbiddenChicago is done, by the way, but may reappear from time to time on this page.

APnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1164801404993242862006-11-29T06:21:00.000-06:002006-11-29T06:53:57.466-06:00

On Sunday, the Chicago Tribune ran a series of "critical reversals," where some arts and entertainment hacks changed their minds about something they either panned or proclaimed the second coming of the Beatles. Or they simply admitted they were wrong.Good idea. Hindsight is indeed 20/20, and so, starting today, I'd like to present a few opinions I'd like to clarify.When Todd "the Stooge" Stroger

APnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1164761407932284072006-11-28T18:53:00.000-06:002006-11-28T19:52:14.813-06:00

As every 90-year-old three flat in Chicago is converting into a condo, the people paying hundreds of thousands of dollars for squeaky floors, cranky neighbors, and no parking are, for the most part, white. The international research organization FACT (fabrications andy created today) has released its newest gentrification map. The darker the color, the whiter the new residents.Click to enlarge.

APnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1164683815307976462006-11-27T21:20:00.000-06:002006-11-27T21:16:55.370-06:00

The public is invited to help choose the City of Chicago's 2007-08 vehicle sticker. Voters can decide which student-designed work should appear on 1.3 million vehicle windshields in the city.The Daley Show Political Machine is joining forces with Todd Stroger in strongly endorsing this entry:Designed by young Andy Planet

APnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1164680391235510632006-11-27T20:16:00.000-06:002006-11-27T20:19:51.276-06:00

and too big of a wuss to cycle in the cold or rain ...and so I will blog againand see how long it lasts this time

APnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1156938318390418432006-08-30T06:42:00.000-05:002006-08-30T06:47:41.733-05:00

He's running for mayor ...She's announcing tomorrow that she's running for mayor ...He's thinking about it ...There's a 50-50 chance he'll run ...This guy is acting like a candidate ...So Daley picks this guy to run his re-election campaign ...The thought, I guess, is that Peterson will get all the CHA residents out to vote for the Mayor.Trouble is, with so many of the CHA buildings bulldozed and

APnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1156767891447664492006-08-28T07:20:00.000-05:002006-08-28T17:59:28.323-05:00

CHICAGO (ap) -- Watching the news of U.S. Sen. Barack Obama's current travels and reception in his native Africa, local man Andy O'Planet recalled his recent visit to Ireland and discussed the many similarities."I can understand how the freshman senator from Illinois feels," the Rogers Park South resident said, leafing through a stack of photos from his trip. "When you're on a trip to your

APnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1156689332056113852006-08-27T09:30:00.000-05:002006-08-27T09:35:32.060-05:00

Then maybe we'll buy decent clothes."Questions of the Day: Should teachers be considered professional workers? Or blue collar? And should there be a dress code for the people educating our children?

APnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1156539072849120772006-08-25T15:48:00.000-05:002006-08-25T15:53:43.683-05:00

"He is 'excited' about the opportunity to refill space on the store's backside on Wabash Avenue." Carson Pirie Scott's State Street store is closing, but it's not that all bad. Just what will the backside space be filled with? Here are some ideas under consideration:Parking structure: Suburbanites gotta park somewhereAll-American food court: Suburbanites need their vittlesCVS/pharmacy:

APnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1156422307187354432006-08-24T07:22:00.000-05:002006-08-24T08:19:12.570-05:00

"Do you know what Nitrometheane, Tovax, cannon fuses, a few barrels, a spool of shock tube and Ammonium Nitrate Fertilizer will do. ... Well do you Mr. President?" --An Illinois state prison inmate asked President Bush in a letter.Yeah right, like Dubya would know.Let's ask someone who would ...Reruns now showing on Fox News.

APnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1156417837362131522006-08-24T06:09:00.000-05:002006-08-24T08:00:45.966-05:00

"It's normal. Half of America they use it." --Iraqi guy on trial for saying "pump"--as in penis pump--to O'Hare security, who thought he said "bomb."Is this true? Half of America? Or is bad man stretching truth by an inch or two?

APnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1156388771814154832006-08-23T22:09:00.000-05:002006-08-24T06:03:54.836-05:00

That way, people won't have to drive all the way to Indiana to gamble.It counts as an education plan, too, right? Kids can learn about odds and counting and 'mommy, where did daddy go?' and debt and those kinds of things."(Chicago Tribune / George Thompson)

APnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1156334826791780552006-08-23T07:04:00.000-05:002006-08-23T07:07:48.630-05:00

Coming soon to Illinois theaters (and gas stations) ...

APnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1156336371028914062006-08-23T07:01:00.000-05:002006-08-23T07:36:04.996-05:00

Go Lemont Little League team!This picture of a Lemont player after he got hit by a pitch in the Little League World Series is actually a good illustration of how the White Sox have looked lately.

APnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1156284366534960132006-08-22T16:59:00.000-05:002006-08-22T17:26:04.596-05:00

... reporters ask me about some silly ban instead.Go ahead, ask me about foie gras again. Let's just forget I said anything about more important priorities."

APnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1156251633121575072006-08-22T08:06:00.000-05:002006-08-22T08:12:30.953-05:00

"Who the heck is giving Rod all this stuff?"Republican lieutenant governor nominee Joe Birkett wants Gov. Blagojevich to disclose the thousands of gifts he receives from close associates each year. "Unless he comes clean, we have no way of knowing what the gifts are," said Birkett.A state law requires that every giver of gifts of $500 or more be disclosed. With the Bla-governor under such close

APnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1156250382305090852006-08-22T07:34:00.000-05:002006-08-22T07:39:42.306-05:00

Why a female teacher was recently fired: "I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent." Or could it have been Christian scripture? Call up the National Guard, we're going to Watertown, New York, to fight for democracy and equal rights!

APnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1156167314378111792006-08-21T09:00:00.000-05:002006-08-22T07:31:05.196-05:00

Find a voter (or future voter). Face each other. Have your voter hold out his or her hand, palm down. Hold out your hand, palm up, about an inch below your voter's hand.Attempt to bring your hand over and slap your voter by taking away a welfare program -- while he or she tries to hold on it.After you've successfully slapped your voter with

APnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1156141224026023012006-08-21T00:59:00.000-05:002006-08-21T02:04:09.320-05:00

Remember the grand Republican Contract with America? It set the course for the 104th Congress and quickly restored the faith and trust of the American people in their government. Now the copycat Democrats are releasing their own Plan, a little book by Rep. Rahm Emanuel and political hack Bruce Reed that basically plagiarizes all the GOP ideas that have worked so well over the past decade.The

APnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1156138670156281542006-08-21T00:30:00.000-05:002006-08-21T00:43:21.760-05:00

As he ponders a run for the White House, U.S. Sen. Barack Obama feels caged in by his loyalties to Hillary and his lack of national political experience.I say free Barack Obama!I'm begging youFree Barack Obama!(Chicago Tribune/Pete Souza)

APnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1155996725439681052006-08-20T12:26:00.000-05:002006-08-20T12:44:19.483-05:00

There once a state fair queen, who lived in a shoe ...Heard on Newsradio78 this morning that officials are hoping to set an attendance record at this year's Illinois State Fair. That would be a heckuva lot of corn dogs and deep fried cheesecake.

APnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1155955325444641132006-08-19T08:26:00.000-05:002006-08-19T10:21:06.436-05:00

... before your execution ... I mean, the execution of the Common Sense Express publicity stunt?Judy Baar Topinka and the other Republicans running for statewide office left on a 34-city bus tour of Illinois, starting Friday morning at the Lincoln Depot in Springfield. Topinka said the tour will reach out to downstate voters who feel abandoned by Democratic Gov. Rod Blagojevich. Judging by the

APnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1155955113701426182006-08-19T08:04:00.000-05:002006-08-20T13:25:55.186-05:00

Let's turn to the Republican team for an explanation of governor candidate Judy Baar Topinka's proposed cost-saving restructuring of Medicaid."It'll hurt just a tiny little bit.""They (not I, of course) will only cut this much.""Actually, the cuts will be massive.""But only those people in Chicago will feel the pain.""No, every person in this state will suffer if I'm elected."Finally,a detailed

APnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1156011778757298032006-08-19T07:16:00.000-05:002006-08-19T13:29:07.896-05:00

According to other sources, more than 1,000 turned out for the Republican Day at the state fair. Subtract the other candidates and members of the press, and you really had about 100. I asked a local photographer the next day about the inflated number, and he said that he's bad at estimating crowds, "but the reporter who wrote the article," he said before interrupting himself to talk to someone

APnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1155951934579677072006-08-18T20:42:00.000-05:002006-08-18T20:46:08.426-05:00

The Republicans had a day at the State Fair yesterday, all their "united" candidates were there, and while Judy Baar Topinka and the others talked about the evils of Chicago in general and Rod Blagojevich in particular, an inquisitive photographer walked around wondering, "What brought these one hundred or so people here?""I'm just here for the Bud Light.""We're just here for the Bud Light.""You

APnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1155883797398504082006-08-18T01:46:00.000-05:002006-08-19T08:49:21.620-05:00

How could you not want to vote for this dynamic duo in November?

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Judy Baar Topinka has a hug for each person attending Republican Day festivities at the Illinois State Fair Friday. All 100 of us.

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At this point in her life, Judy Baar Topinka wonders what she's gotten herself into. And how can she get out? Maybe by making some joke about Rod Blagojevich never being in Springfield.

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A woman wearing a GOP cap and cheering all the GOP candidates carries a sign saying: "Democrats for Topinka." Yeah, lady, we believe you're a Dem. She was the only person there with a homemade sign. And this was the best she could come up with. Sad.

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Well, not yet, but with the excitement of today being Republican Day and all, the Daley Show staff is heading to the Illinois State Fair in Springfield. Yee-haw! Look for live blogging from the event later (or, if I can't find an Internet cafe at the fairgrounds, check for hard-hitting reports and pictures starting tomorrow).

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A little white girl died almost a decade ago, and America's law enforcement efforts and prayers have been focused on finding her killer ever since. Those efforts seem to have paid off as a suspect in the case confessed to the crime yesterday."The world is a better place today," the U.S. Attorney General's office said in a statement. "Now if we can only find the killer of that poor girl who

APnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1155726954944775192006-08-16T06:13:00.000-05:002006-08-16T06:58:10.316-05:00

News you can use: Drivers can visit the Pick-A-Plate section of [Secretary of State Jesse White's] Web site at cyberdriveillinois.com. They can choose their vehicle and type of plate they're looking for and then see if the combination of letters and numbers they want is available.Let's see ... what's available?Score! For $123, you can tell the world who you're voting for in November with your

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News Item: The Illinois State Board of Education voted Thursday to lower the passing score on the social science/history test that teachers must pass before receiving their licenses, saying that too many prospective teachers were failing the exam.The board voted unanimously to drop the bar from 64 to 57, making it significantly easier for teacher candidates to pass. A score of 57 means the test

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In west suburban Addison, someone said this yesterday: "She's a lady. She teaches women today that they can be strong, but don't have to be abrasive. She's loved her husband through good and bad. He's not a perfect man. Who is?"Who is this strong woman?A. Laura BushB. Hillary ClintonC. Judy Baar TopinkaD. Condoleeza RiceHint: Even though she's deeply in love with George, Condoleeza is not legally

APnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1155606472336771412006-08-14T20:45:00.000-05:002006-08-18T21:56:39.830-05:00

SPRINGFIELD (ap) -- Illinois has promised National Guard troops to fight unwanted Cheeseheads, Gov. Rod Blagojevich's office said Monday.About 200 Army and Air National Guard personnel will be deployed in 2007 as part of their annual two weeks of training, spokeswoman Abby Ottenhoff said.The troops will be deployed to provide support to tollway officials patrolling the Illinois border with

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Planet temporarily fixes the broken window with a piece of cardboard.The shock of finding his car broken into quickly turned to disappointment as Rogers Park South resident Andy Planet discovered that the thieves had, in fact, taken nothing."The trunk was wide open and the front seat was littered with all my belongings," the puzzled Planet said after his neighbors alerted him Sunday afternoon to

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Sunday Quiz: What is Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich doing here?A. Making a rare appearance in Springfield.B. Handing out free samples of Plan B to girls at the State Fair.C. Protecting children from reporters' questions.D. Cutting ties with two former state personnel workers cooperating with federal authorities in a probe of his administration’s hiring practices.

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Gov. Rod Blagojevich on Friday: “We’ve got a baby crying here, are you guys ...”

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'Cop Killer'? No, we don't play that here in Chi-town.But we got killer cops."(Chicago Tribune/Antonio Perez)

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from now on, I'm a-walkin'.Now, where do I deposit my liquids?"(REUTERS/Jason Reed)

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Just, please, separate the plastics and paper in different Blue Bags.(Chicago Tribune/Jose More)

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The Washington, D.C.-based Education Trust, a national education group, said Thursday that Illinois' plans to help the neediest students are among the worst in the country. Illinois education officials countered that the state is targeting low-income schools with a "Grow Your Own Teacher" program.Just what is this program? Let's take a look:Grow your own teacher! Mr. Right Answer grows 600% his

APnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1155245862114222042006-08-10T16:35:00.000-05:002006-08-10T20:15:02.220-05:00

"The Big Box ordinance stinks," Daley said."And so does this stage. Who farted?"Um, mayor, he who smelt it dealt it. (Chicago Tribune photo/Bonnie Trafelet)

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This is "an embarrassment," the lady in red tells reporters and Illinois voters, who slowly move away.(The Record photo)

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SPRINGFIELD (ap) -- Sexual deviants around the state are nervously waiting to see if the new law against self-neglect will curb their pleasures. Governor Rod R. Blagojevich today signed House Bill 4676 into law, which bans self-neglect beginning January 1, 2007.Area masochists--who derive sexual pleasure or gratification by having pain inflicted on them--feel that Illinois lawmakers are

APnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1155150236723771302006-08-09T14:02:00.000-05:002006-08-09T14:49:52.656-05:00

"The evidence is clear and overwhelmingthat making 'Plan 9' available over-the-counteris the right thing to do," the Illinois Bla-governor said.

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"The thing you gotta remember, this police officer has seconds to make a decision when he sees that gun pointed at him." --Police Supt. Phil Cline, justifying police for shooting a 14-year-old on Chicago's North Side.In those precious few seconds, this police officer must ask himself many questions:Is that a gun in the suspect's hand or at least a replica that can be easily mistaken for a deadly

APnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1154953441159600072006-08-09T08:18:00.000-05:002006-08-09T09:01:31.306-05:00

For something different, check out my new blog. Yeah, I know, you didn't even know I was working on this one.

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orOR

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NEWS ITEM: Republican gubernatorial candidate Judy Baar Topinka promises to release her education plan soon, but she offered few specifics about it Monday other than to pledge it will be funded. Or, as the Tribune put it, "Topinka offered ... what she called an 'hors d'oeuvres' version of her plans for increased spending on education and public works projects but offered no taste of how much it

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News Item: Cardinal Francis George is in pain and has limited movement, but has no sign of further internal bleeding, the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Chicago said this afternoon.CHICAGO (ap) -- The Archdiocese asked that members of the Church continue praying for the Cardinal, but to direct the prayers to Saint Madron, the patron saint of pain, instead of the various patron saints against

APnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19316755.post-1154924696150150732006-08-07T07:20:00.000-05:002006-08-09T00:19:02.510-05:00

Doctors consider cardinal's spinal surgery routineProcedure to ease chronic pain The spinal surgery Joseph Cardinal Bernardin is scheduled to undergo next month is fairly common, and any long-lasting adverse effects are unlikely, medical experts said Tuesday.. The procedure, called decompression laminectomy, will help alleviate pain in his lower back and legs, said Dr. Alexander Ghanayem, chief

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LAKE COUNTY, IND. (ap) -- Donning flak jackets and bulletproof helmets, reporters from around the country have converged on Northwest Indiana, pursuing the hottest story in the Midwest--the elusive Cline Avenue sniper.As police worked to uncover sniper nests, several networks and national publications joined forces this week to saturate a highway where a potential sniper has struck nine times.

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(Sun-Times, August 6, 1999) State beetle hunter Stan Smith peeled off a strip of bark Thursday and found an Asian long-horned beetle chewing its way out of a 2-year-old birch tree in Ravenswood--Illinois' first beetle find in any birch. He was checking trees near where infested elms were found Wednesday on Wolcott, saw what looked like golden birch borer holes, then discovered the beetle. Smith's

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Avoiding eye contact with Yo La TengoLast week, it was the Pitchfork Music Festival at Union Park. This weekend, it's Lollapalooza at Grant Park, where thousands of unshaven, deodorant-deficient music fans of all ages can pretend they're at a Phish show while bands that are used to playing smaller venues attempt to rock out on giant stages only to have their sound lost in the dense, humid air.

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CHICAGO (ap) -- There was another spike in the heat-related death toll Friday as a local gardener/medical examiner reported a new heat-related death, bringing the total for the recent heat wave to 18 plants and people.An examination of a window ledge flower box revealed that one-half of Andy Planet's flowers died as a result of the five-day heat wave, which ended with a massive thunderstorm

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Or is this a picture of my brain, creative circuits firing once again? Either way, the least-informed political blog with the lamest humor has awoken just in time for campaign season ... Ready?

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Start, stop. Start, stop.Here comes Daley Show start number 3. Let's see if I can keep it going 'til the end of the year ...

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Animal lovers are scratching their heads and behinds about a Chicago plan to use scare tactics to fight urban problems this year. Let's take a closer look:The Problem: Polluted Lake Michigan waters.Common Sense Says: Humans are dumping too much shit into the environment.Chicago's Solution: Have dogs run around on the beaches, scaring off birds.What's next???The Problem: Congestion on city

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Maybe it was the color combination"If my dress was disruptive . . . than half of the other females up in there that was half-naked was disruptive, too."--Kevin Logan, 18, a gay Gary senior kicked out of his high school's prom last week for wearing a slinky fuchsia gown and strappy heels. The cross-dressing boy is now suing West Side High officials, who said he violated the prom's dress code.Not

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Last week it was Michael Barrett attacking A.J. Pierzynski. Yesterday it was Greg Maddux taking out his anger on a water jug. These Cubs are mad as hell, and they're not gonna take it anymore! Too bad they don't do as good a job attacking the ball. But whatever.Now I know he's a future Hall of Famer and an all-around good guy and all that, but I just can't resist ...Do YOU have a problem you just

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The thing I love, and many youngsters nowadays hate, about the slow-moving game of baseball is that it gives you plenty of time to think. The game itself requires a lot of thought--where to position the defense for each hitter, which pitch to throw against which player, how to get that girl's phone number, should I punch the guy in the face or just push him away, lots and lots of questions and

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SAN FRANCISCO (ap) -- The most popular of Greek heroes, Hercules has been celebrated in stories, sculptures, paintings, and even in the geography of the ancient and new worlds. He successfully performed twelve Labors, feats so difficult that they seemed impossible, but his current challenge may prove too difficult even for him.Hercules, now an affluent Bay Area suburb, has declared war on

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CAIRO, Egypt (ap) -- Osama bin Laden purportedly said in an audio tape Tuesday that neither Zacarias Moussaoui -- the only person convicted in the U.S. for the Sept. 11 attacks -- nor any Illinois politician had anything to do with any al-Qaida operation."He had no connection at all with Sept. 11," the speaker claiming to be bin Laden said in the tape posted on the Internet. "Oh yeah, and George

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Have you ever played "I Have Never"? It's a game where you say something that you have never done, and everyone who has done this thing must drink. So I guess it's a drinking game.With recent Cubs and Sox games, though, I've started saying, "Wow, I had never seen that before." That's because, in the past couple of weeks, a few out-of-the-ordinary things have happened at the old ballpark. Anyway,

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